Are Cryptocurrencies My Thing?

I have been involved with Bitcoin for a little over a year now. At first I was only watching the articles and reading about new markets and new coins. My interest began because I like the idea of bitcoin, a decentralized currency that does not have to be tied to a bank for my save and spend. I like the idea of getting the large financial sector out of the way of people like me or even much worse off than me.

I’ve come a long way in a year. At first I could hardly figure a way to get money into the system to even buy bitcoin, now I hop from exchange to exchange as easily as switching email accounts. I know which currency for which direction, monitoring the BTC/USD pair, should I switch to Fiat or stay in btc?

I somehow have this idea that I am going to finally make the money we need for Pepper to have another procedure for CCSVI. The trailer, yes, we’ll also make enough to get that tiny little travel trailer. The tiny 14 footer, oh how cute. Somehow, someway, I’m gonna make it with this btc, crypto, altcoins, HYIP or something right? Stick with it, it’s bound to happen, just work hard and it will come to you, right?

Learning and being willing to try new things are going to be key to success. I know at some point something will come along that will allow me to be home with Pepper and find meaning and happiness. Things are getting better just having decided on that as a goal.

I find I’m dreaming for two now. Pepper has seemed to have lost her drive for improvement or fun and adventure. She now lacks the imagination for anything beyond the moment. Oh it’s so frustrating for me as I keep thinking something will spark an interest in her. I often wonder if this lack of interest bothers her, but she gives no indication of being sad or left out. I’ll keep looking for the little signs of excitement, but it’s my interests that I’ll start focusing on more. If she would like to come along for the ride, wonderful and I hope she always does. I remember when she used to laugh a lot in a day, when she would play. Pepper had a cheeky side to her and wasn’t serious for long. I miss playing especially with her, we could change that if we decided to. Time to make an effort!



Kayak Demo

Today is the first paddling demo day of the season.  Not the nicest day out, but if it doesn’t lightning then there is no reason to do this.  I was hoping that Pepper would go with me to test out some kayaks, but she’s not feeling up to it.  She’s been suffering with a cold for the past couple weeks is now on the upside.  I understand, but am disappointed.

See this happens often.  I want to do something but I also want to do it with my partner.  Over the years I have usually chosen to not do the activity.  Today, though, I am trying to push myself to go do it alone.  I keep thinking I’ll ask my son to go with me.  I don’t want to do that though as again this is my interest and I must try to work through whatever insecurity it is that keeps me from doing things alone.

I like my company and enjoy being alone and focused on my thoughts.  So why the issue with leaving the house and doing things alone? Is it really that important that I change this aspect of myself, or should I just work with it and more new people into my life to share these things with?  The issue isn’t with Pepper, it’s me not being secure enough or knowing how to enjoy things without my partner next to me.  I’ve always responded better to things when I can turn to ‘my person’ and share my thoughts and feelings.  That always seemed to be the point of having someone significant in your life.  I’ve lived with this situation for years but have yet to wrap my mind around the reality of,  ‘us’.

The demo runs from 11 – 4 pm, it’s 9:30 am now.  If I work on cleaning for 2 hours then I can move on to the demo, alone.  I have to put a work/reward system in place for me to this.  I don’t get how I keep falling for my motivation tricks.

Hopefully I will write a follow-up on how this all turns out.


Something New for Something Old

I discovered Pepper tonight.  No, not my partner but the band.  I listened to several songs and was very impressed with the sound.  The first song I listened to No Control.  It reminded me a lot of Red Hot Chili Peppers.  I moved on and found my way to the album  Kona Town.  It took me back to an old friend, a friend I haven’t seen nor talked to in years.  I am a terrible friend in many ways.  I know this about myself.  I have a few that are everything to me, even so I’m not the best at maintaining friends.  It’s something about myself I wish I understood and could fix, but when times are rough, I’m worse and pull away more.

Anyway, back to my friend.  I miss her.  We used to smoke pot and listen to music.  Talk about the universe and what we couldn’t possibly know.  My life is nothing like I imagined.  I hope hers is  better than expected.  I really do.

I had a week stint in Chicago once for a hotel install.  I loved that city,  I could hear music all through the streets.  It was an amazing feeling on that warm windy day.  The drive into the city was a sight with all the lights.  One night we went to The House of Blues and as soon as I walked into the main room I lost my breath.  I immediately recognized the song World is Africa by Black Uhuru.  The memories were overwhelming and I was stung with tears that night.  Betsy.

Yeah, back to Kona Town.  Betsy.




On The Positive

My first post was on the negative.  I didn’t finish it though, often I don’t finish negative thoughts, comments or argument. Yeah right, I finish the thought!  I will also have a long drawn out rebuttal to some forum nut and delete it just before getting to the send button.  I hate confrontations and will go to extremes to avoid them, but, once in awhile I just gotta let it out.  Rudeness can bring it out quicker than almost anything.  Why do I rewrite something over and over again just cause it may offend someone?  Why am I giving it that much consideration?  I wanted this first and foremost as a place that I can vent and feel safe about it.  I love my partner and I have no intention of changing my life with her.   For reasons that are explained elsewhere, I created this space.  Ultimately, this is for us – Alice and Pepper.

A plan should be put in place to improve our situation.  I think Pepper needs more exercise and mental stimulation. Ideally a physical activity that can incorporate some aspects of mental exercise as well.  Should this be in planning, reasoning, and quick reflexes and quick shot answers to questions.

I’m really looking forward to kayaking, it can’t happen soon enough.  The price of solos are pretty expensive, at least the ones I’m looking at.  I know, look a little lower on the scale.  I am and used too but I’m not finding the ones I want for the price I want.  I’m pretty sure that’s normal given the season.  Did I stray off?

I can’t tell if Pepper really likes kayaking or goes along out of attachment.  She’s never too excited about anything.  Once in awhile I hit on something that gets her attention and keeps it.  Pepper hasn’t had that in some time now.  She’s had a cold for over a week and today I’ve noticed her smiling more often.

Ask a question

Ask a question, wait for snarky answer.  Explain why I need the answer to the question.  Get serious answer.  Repeat for each question or suggestion in conversation.  I’m so tired and frustrated.

I should back up and explain. Naw, I said I was tired.